CHAPTER SIX
It was late when Doreen woke up. Too late for a good talk show. Way too late to make a fresh pot of coffee. The sound of an ambulance passing by, the siren on, the flashing red lights popping into her room like a slot machine paying off. She tossed and turned for a short time, hoping she'd be able to get back to sleep.
She remembered when coffee didn't affect her. It was an odd thought to have, after wishing she could get back to sleep. Still, it seemed funny to be so afraid of the caffeine and the power it had over her schedule, now. Damned juice. Why couldn't she have counted on that, all those years ago. Back when she was young enough for it to have made a difference. Those were the days, when her husband was out of town and she was waiting for her next door neighbor to make it out of his house.
Out of his house, and into hers. Where he belonged. Or she wished. But not really. It was the perfect relationship, made that way by the fact they couldn't be together. Shouldn't be together. There was the strength of that. Their love endured because it required so little maintenance. There was a bare minimum invested and the most fun. Simple mathematics really and didn't take a genius to figure it out.
In fact, she knew that Walter Bunch was somewhat less than the perfect man. He had a few habits that would drive any woman crazy and might prove the death of the most devoted partnerships. For one thing, he didn't like children. Doreen didn't think that was necessarily a bad or a good thing. She did see how it might present problems since he had three with his wife. They had three, even though he denied it.
"Rug rats." She spoke it into the darkness of the bedroom, but wasn't capable of packing all the intent and malice into it that he had. There was something in the way he uttered it that was dismissive and condemnation, all at the same time.
Not that Walter didn't like being a father or wasn't comfortable with the responsibility being a parent saddled him with. He actively resented the kids for their existence. He hated them the way an Amazon explorer must begrudge the jungle parasites and the extra level of misery they add to an already arduous journey.
"Monkeys."
He actually called them that. At first she thought he was being cute and doing that little trick that men have of acting burdened when they were actually quite endeared to whomever they were talking about.
It wasn't so. Walter saw no value in them whatsoever and would frequently slip from talking about their lives to telling stories about the war. Stories that would start with strong, experienced words devolving quickly into a dark hole. A miserable spot nobody would want to go into with him. She had known this in more than one man and found the brooding oddly attractive. Like something she though she might, were she woman enough or partial saint, be able to love out of them. Comfort them from.
She never had been able to. It was a moment of true maturity to accept that these veterans and the things they'd done were going to be forever a mark of age. A generational scar, of sorts. Something nobody ever thought to speak of, even though it rips holes right through the fabric of their very lives and never stood still long enough to be mended.
So, they were friends. She'd heard Abby call it "friends with benefits". She liked the sound of that. It made it something comprehensible. Something you ought to be able to go buy a Hallmark card to commemorate. The sort of thing that would get its own day named in honor of. Beneficial Friends Day. It would fall in the calendar year shortly after Veteran's Day, and they wouldn't have parades because they'd be in the bedroom, or intent on making their way there. It was only fair since that was where the majority of the time they had together was spent. She spent more time in bed with Walter than she had with her husband. Either of them.
Which made him a great Friend With Benefits. Funny, the very quality that made him lousy for a husband or mate. There was nothing that had ever let her wonder what it would be like to be married to him. Nothing in the world about herself or the combination of he and her together which led her to wonder how they might have been. She knew, if she were his wife, she'd never see him. Or see him in between lies, long enough to get things together for his next tryst. He must have been quite a sight rushing to get out the door. He could be charming but she guessed he used the threat of being stuck home, to terrorize her and the children as his trump card.
Better to watch him pass out the door and know they were safe for a while. They could take their trips to Disneyland or spend hours building forts of blankets and boxes in the living room without worrying about "getting in Daddy's way". Thank goodness he wasn't home enough for that to be more of a problem.
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