I DECIDED

The night was encompassing,
holding me gently,
comforting like fingers
through my hair.

And this morning I decided
I wasn't going to be sad, any more.
Not like a god would decree
or a lunatic aspire.
I decided it
with resolute uncertainty;
with full knowledge
I am human,
and we humans can only decide
so much,
for so long.

I am not going to regret
the thousand small failures
I've carried
and cared for
like blown-glass figurines.
Not going to say
I will
when I won't,
unless that is another mistake
required of me
to be alive,
and always a little bit awake.

I'm going to write
this poem without judging
worth or merit
and set it free,
as little to do with me
as this morning,
and my deciding to not
be sad,
anymore.