2007-08-22

Might Be An End At the End Of This Tunnel

What did appear, wasn't being ornery. It wasn't just a mood or tantrum. It didn't slap him on the rump and turn him loose, now there was nothing else to say. What materialized was no uglier than he expected it would be. Didn't cut a wider swath in his peace of mind than thinking he might 've been wrong the whole time.

George was just a bit surprised that it only stood 14 inches tall.

It was crisp and cold as he entered the cave. He'd kind of expected it to be like walking into a basement. No gigantic changes in spatial perception or auditory feedback. Nothing like that.

Like a lot of things in his life, he was wrong. Not just a tad wrong. On this, where the mine shaft in the middle of the Pedros, and a teeny dude in white robes was concerned, he was way wrong.

That was the fact of it and George, as he disappeared into the yawning opening of the cavern, felt a whole lot like a slice of beef, grilled rare and being swallowed. He'd never really given it a thought before. Why would he? Not a whole lot of caves spotting the landscape on the Great Plains. He'd never stood anywhere like he was standing now, facing what he was. He cast a glance down at his new companion and got just a little tickled as he realized this little dude was probably not so unaccustom to this as he. At 14 inches tall he probably faced pretty much the same experience every time he walked near a fox den or a snake hole. He’d have to ask, just as soon as he had a second to stop and find out if the little feller could talk.

"What the hell?" George said but didn't get to listen for his diminutive partner's response.

The white cloud had already completely engulfed them both. Of the two of them, that tiny dude seemed most comfortable and familiar with this latest development, too. The little sage responded with appropriate behavior as he smiled and slowly slipped into unconsciousness. George struggled for what seemed a long as he could. He was out as soon as it arrived.

Punchline

I was going to write about having a hard time waking up, today. It was one of those nights where I was paged and couldn't get back to sleep. Now, as the day progresses, I'm exhausted and wavering a little, floating in and out of 'very present' and and 'barely'. I thought it could be funny and sligthy ironic, given what I've named the blog and what the central theme was conceived to be. Adventures In Waking Up, except I can't. Get it?

Trouble is, I'm not kidding. I really am tired. Sometimes, what I think is funny as hell isn't so funny, when I'm really tired. And sometimes, nothing is funny, when I'm really tired.

2007-08-19

RODE OFF INTO


If I were to write a cowboy ending there'd have to be a sunset somewhere. There's always a sunset, right? The day ends itself the way we seek to start and end our own thoughts. It ends without ever checking to be sure it's alright. Without stopping to make sure it hasn't stepped on any toes. I would have a sunset and I'm pretty sure it would look something like this. Let me credit this photo. I stole it from a website for KEVA radio. It is a beautiful picture and exactly what I wanted to show; the part of Wyoming that knows about the Rockies but is, for the most part, really all about the next 200 miles. Just a stretch between one little group of civilization and another That's all. This is near a place named Bridger, Wyoming. Bridger, as I remember it, is near a place named Fort Bridger. Fort Bridger was a place established by the famous mountain man, Jim Bridger. You'd think a place as big and wide open as Wyoming would have plenty of names to toss around. It isn't that way here, though. You can't spit without hitting something named Bridger. I guess if something works, why mess with it, hey? It was a place where the mountain men met to drink, buy guns and whiskey and sell pelts, trade women, play games and speak the first English any of them may've heard for better than a year. The entire mountain man era was very short lived. Less than 10 years, I'm thinking. And when it went, it went fast. Like Beta-max. Like 8-track tapes. All the rage one minute. Gone the next. When the mountain men stopped making any money from pelts they stopped coming. When they stopped coming, Fort Bridger became something else. Nothing more than a way station for travelers along the Oregon trail.


Now the Oregon trail is something everybody should see but until you do it won't make any sense why I think you should. Even standing there looking at it you'll wonder why you'd care. You will, though. It grows on you. After years and years, you'll find yourself thinking back to it, almost like you're touched by the ghosts of the pioneers. It's two thin tracks crossing the length of southern Wyoming, looking like somebody intended to lay down a railroad line but couldn't get the metal. Those old horse or oxen-drawn wagons with their narrow iron wheels wrapped around wooden spokes cut the land like an 8-bottom plow; split it open, laying it bare to an environment where nothing much ever grows and there's no reason to plant. I've heard stories of how the wagon trains would come through in the winter or during the mess of spring melt and travel for 500 miles buried almost to the hubs in mud. Like I've said before, Wyoming is a really big place. I would've thought it might occurred to somebody to travel just a few feet to the left or the right of this path and stay out of the muck. I guess if something works, why mess with it, hey? I just thought they were more adventurous than this indicates they were, that's all.


Where were they all going? The name Oregon Trail would lead one to believe it was mostly the state of Oregon but in fact, the majority of the people on the trail were Mormons, fleeing from religious persecution that had driven them out of New England, through the heartlands and dropped them in the morass of this muddy prairie. SPLAT! And they weren't going to Oregon. Most were headed to Utah. The Mormons bought Fort Bridger and used it to protect themselves and other travelers from Indians, the rigors of life on the trail, and the half-million other things that might seek to do one harm in this environment. Foremost of those turned out to be the U.S. Calvary. I don't really get the reasoning behind it. I've heard that the soldiers thought they were rescuing defenseless women from a new white-slavery of polygamy. I can picture these guys waiting to be the heroes and knights in shining armor to all of the beautiful young Mormon wives. It wasn't true but it got the cavalry off their butts and kept them moving across the lonely west. Fact is the women were apparently happy in their situations. I guess if something works, why mess with it, hey? The Mormons conducted a scorched earth tactic, burning and destroying everything contained in Fort Bridger, everything they'd found and everything else they'd worked so hard to build and grow. The only thing left was a rock wall, which they apparently didn't feel was worth tearing down.


But if I were writing a cowboy ending, I think I might have to tear it down. I think I might have to tear it down or blow it up or watch it washed away in a flash flood. I don't think I could leave the wall to get in the way of the view. That sunset. That's the thing a cowboy lives for. Riding off into that. Riding off alone. Always alone. Always a "Shane" scene, always a man who knows the heavy of truth and yet finds he can live with it. He'd been sitting tall in the saddle and holding the reins real loose in his hand.


I think I'd write that ending instead of the story about Fort Bridger and religioius persecution in the United States. Why not write that and not mess with it, hey?

2007-08-13

Well, I'll Be Damned

I'd lost touch with my past. In some ways, this was a blessing greater than any I might've asked for. In others, it was a very lonely and disconnected way to make it through my world. I set out to change that a while back. It was an odd little connection I made, finding a brother of a friend from the 'old days' listed on Classmates.com. I emailed and his response contained the phone numbers of two people who wanted to hear from me. That was, in and of itself, a surprise. I don't know why but I'd figured I hadn't made that much difference in anyone's life and they wouldn't be interested in me, now. I admit to be frightened when I made the calls. I wasn't sure what they'd have to say. Or what I'd have to say. I was worried about something like "Kip! I've just completed 4 years of intense psychotherapy and I can finally tell you exactly how I feel about you." Something like that.

Instead it was very pleasant to talk to Newell and Barrett. Newell put me in touch with Dennis and David and within 48 hours I'd from all of them. I found it very comforting that they were out there. As I talked to them I found myself suddenly feeling like I belonged where I was. Odd, to make that sort of connection by talking to people involved from a time and place where we 'used' to be. I did, though. I felt like I did have a past. Finally, all the stories I've told for the past 25 years were substantiated. These things did happen. What I say and people may discount or doubt, really did occur. It is real. And through that, having history makes me somehow 'real'.

I didn't expect that.

Within 3 days I'd talked to 4 of the people I've been hoping to find for years, now. It was exciting. It was rewarding. I felt vindicated. I felt encouraged.

I felt like I'm not lost.

And that is good.