Well, I'll Be Damned

I'd lost touch with my past. In some ways, this was a blessing greater than any I might've asked for. In others, it was a very lonely and disconnected way to make it through my world. I set out to change that a while back. It was an odd little connection I made, finding a brother of a friend from the 'old days' listed on Classmates.com. I emailed and his response contained the phone numbers of two people who wanted to hear from me. That was, in and of itself, a surprise. I don't know why but I'd figured I hadn't made that much difference in anyone's life and they wouldn't be interested in me, now. I admit to be frightened when I made the calls. I wasn't sure what they'd have to say. Or what I'd have to say. I was worried about something like "Kip! I've just completed 4 years of intense psychotherapy and I can finally tell you exactly how I feel about you." Something like that.

Instead it was very pleasant to talk to Newell and Barrett. Newell put me in touch with Dennis and David and within 48 hours I'd from all of them. I found it very comforting that they were out there. As I talked to them I found myself suddenly feeling like I belonged where I was. Odd, to make that sort of connection by talking to people involved from a time and place where we 'used' to be. I did, though. I felt like I did have a past. Finally, all the stories I've told for the past 25 years were substantiated. These things did happen. What I say and people may discount or doubt, really did occur. It is real. And through that, having history makes me somehow 'real'.

I didn't expect that.

Within 3 days I'd talked to 4 of the people I've been hoping to find for years, now. It was exciting. It was rewarding. I felt vindicated. I felt encouraged.

I felt like I'm not lost.

And that is good.